If you haven't heard about the concept of twin flames yet, the idea goes something like this: One soul was split in two, one embodying the female and one embodying the male, and so when the two meet, they are seeing/connecting with their other half. At first glance this seems heavy-handedly heteronormative, but often gay couples identify with this concept as well (with the caveat that one partner is more masculine and one more feminine, which is often but not always the case).
First, before you feel that your twin flame experience isn't resonating here and I lose you completely, I want to validate your experience with this expression, and then I would like to address some points that make this concept more complicated than it originally appears. Do I believe that I myself have a twin flame? Yes, and no. When someone mentions their twin flame, I know precisely to what they are referring, what they likely experienced, and how they probably feel in the wake of such a relationship. I immediately think of the person that I would label my "twin flame" even if I don't buy that concept completely. I get it because I also experienced it. So I don't want to make it sound like I'm tossing this concept out. I left it in my
Art History for Past Lives deck because it reflects a very real and powerful human experience, one that many people identify with, and it should never be scoffed at or entirely discarded.
Your intense feelings are valid. In fact, there is very little about you that is more real or valid than your own intense emotional interiority. You are not lame or stupid for these intense emotions. These emotions are stitched into the fabric of your soul, and that is why when someone says "twin flame" you identify with that term. You felt and loved so intensely. Part of you was lost with that other person as they exited your life. That reality is as true as you standing there. There is nothing truer than the love you felt for that other person. You can label is soul mate or twin flame, and doing that gives that relationship more weight and gravity to your narrative than it otherwise would. This term helps you express something that was previously impossible to express. And that's ok. I think we can still use this term the way it was intended while still acknowledging the practical function of this idea within our mind and soul.
Now, with that validation, I want to point out some observations for you to sit with.
1- Twin Flames are rarely together. Would you really be able to walk away from the other half of yourself? You would feel incomplete without that person. You would always come back around to them. But usually, these relationships are empty theaters of sadness with little hope for reconciliation. That doesn't mean this wasn't a karmic relationship or a powerful soul connection. But the other half of your soul? I don't see that. If someone really was walking around with half of your soul, you would have no choice but to love that person. And choice is so critical to our human experience. It's the entire reason we are here. I think a connection in which you look at each other without speaking and know completely what the other is thinking and feeling is a hallmark sign of several previous lifetimes shared together. The more times together, the stronger the connection. Enough shared lifetimes, and this connection will snowball into twin flame-esque energy. But that connection is a reflection of your history, not the missing pieces of yourself. He (cough, cough) er, I mean they, will still have to make a choice. And yes, it's going to suck for them to walk away, even if they never admit it, because deep in the recesses of the subconscious, they remember it too.
2- It's typically the woman who is in pain l know there are exceptions to this, and I don't mean to minimize the feelings of heterosexual men who are writhing in pain over losing their twin flame, but the objective reality is that it is mostly women (and gay men) learning about, processing, and discussing their twin flame. The more I have sat with this issue, the more I've come to realize that this isn't so much because women are more gullible or even more emotional. It's because this experience is often rooted in oppression. The relationship's ending is usually due to some kind of superficial thinking: women are all the same, women weigh men down, relationships are not valuable, I need to focus on my career, what I want is more critical etc. etc. It almost always comes down to discarding women as less important. And that's what sends us into that spiritual tailspin.
One piece of truth I can hand you that will really help you out of that dark hole is this: this painful relationship and ending didn't happen because you weren't good enough for some reason. It was because women (and often men who behave more like women) aren't good enough in general in the eyes of the world. Being weaker and more vulnerable, with less opportunity for resources is, at the end of the day, a liability. Deep down, we understand that it is the world and our culture that has sold us out, and that as primarily spiritual (and not physical) beings, we are dependent upon love from others to navigate this physical world most successfully. That is the spiritual battle and the deep pain we are unpacking within ourselves. It is a hereditary wound that spans generations. Your mother was ignored and discarded, and so was her mother, and her mother, and her mother, even by, (and in many cases, especially by) the men who stood by their side throughout their lives. It is the weight of the world's oppression that gives birth to the twin flame within us.